Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Cartoon of the Week

In the spirit of our new "Topic of the Week" application, I'm going to start a "Cartoon of the Week" area on my blog. It may change if I find a better one, but right now, this is the best cartoon we have had here on the Friendly all week.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Racism: Alive and Strong in America

Look. I understand. It's only been a few generations from slavery, when unimaginably cruel things were done to our darkskinned brothers and sisters which necessitated the mental classification of people being "below us" to justify what was done. I understand that deeply seated biases die hard, that your parents and my parents may have considered themselves nonracists, while we might classify them as slightly racist, and their parents as even more racist. I understand the need for a scapegoat; the human deisre to classify based on our own judgement, and the fear of going against the mainstream.

The fact remains that there is one race. The human race. God did not create different races. He did not put some humans under another group of humans for thousands of years because of something their great great great grandpappy did. God did not prohibit marrying "between the races".

Why do we judge based on skin color, hair type, eye shape, nose crook or other superficial basis? Where did these come from if not for us to judge and seperate ourselves according to?

I submit that these characteristics arose because of the tower of babel, when God divided mankind acording to language. Suddenly, the available gene pool for procreation was greatly reduced...and certain characteristics strongly arose in the various groups as they moved away and settled the earth.

It has nothingto do with a "black skin curse". Little do to with geography, and much to do with the gene pool. How dare we look with disgust, distust, contempt or even simple non-acceptance at our brother and sisters around America and around the world who share our blood, and yes, our race?

"God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; Neither is worshipped with men's hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring."

Article of interest: Click HERE

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Without God

Without GOD, our week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday & Shatteredday.

Author unknown, received via email

Found Online

Welcome to the Good-Ole’-Boy Network. Here’s Your Lapel Pin

Say you are just coming in to the ranks of Fundamentalism, having chosen the Sword branch as your particular nesting place. And, say that you are wondering how one goes about getting his name highlighted in the Fundamentalist Hall of Fame, and perhaps getting his very own personal invitation to the Good-Ole’-Boy Ball. You might need some pointers as to how you can get yourself into the “rising star” category.

We are here for you. We wouldn’t want you spending too much of your time in wasted effort when it comes to such worthy pursuits. So, let us help.

...First, Invite the Big Name Preachers to preach at your church. They like this, and if you provide them with a decent enough show (and, of course, that show is accompanied by a check of significant proportions), you have a very good chance of making a great impression. You will, of course, want to make sure that you really build up Dr. Big Shot before he comes, so that your people are adequately prepared beforehand to be impressed, yea even dazzled. When you introduce him, be sure to sprinkle your introduction generously with a variety of superlatives, like “most” and “best” and “greatest.” And be sure that he doesn’t leave without an invitation to return (make sure you include a few dates with your invitation, and that those dates are within the next calendar year).

Second, be sure to be well-traveled in the Dr. Big Shot circuit. That would include (as a minimum) attendance at every Major Conference. Minimum attendance requirements will include (of course) the National Sword of the Lord Conference, The Leadership Conference, and at least two of the Regional Sword Conferences. You should also keep an eye on the conferences advertised in the Sword of the Lord. Though you will not be required to attend every one, you must be sure to attend one or two of the ones that include Shelton Smith and at least two of the other Important Preachers and Rising Stars who annually preach at the National Conference.

...Fourth, advertise in the Sword. Buy the most expensive advertisement that you can. If you want to fish, you’ll need to bring some bait. Put it in your Missions Budget if you need to. But you’ll never see one of those guys with the teeny-weenie ads up on the stage at the National Convention. So, you’re gonna need to drop some coin on this one.

...Sixth, preach only from those texts that everyone agrees with. This is essential. Understand, there are entire books of the Bible that have no place in these kinds of churches. If, for instance, you were to say, “Turn in your Bibles to Romans chapter 9,” or, worse yet, to Amos, you could be voted off the Island. Immediately. Find those passages with the texts that everybody likes, and stick with them. For that matter, you’ll need a minimum of five messages on David and Goliath. That way, when you get your invitation, you’ll have a sermon ready-made for publication. The only other topic you’ll need to cover will be Soul Winning. Really, every message that isn’t on salvation or on David and Goliath will need to be on Soul Winning.

...Tenth, you’ll need to get yourself a very large (and, I might add, expensive) mirror. This is for several reasons.

  • First, you’ll need it for your preaching. Practice preaching in the mirror. Remember that style always trumps substance, so don’t worry about having any more than three points and a poem. Just leave lots of space between each point, and make the majority of your notes read like a prompter… “shout here,” “stomp here,” “Billy Sunday pose here,” “pull out hanky and wave here,” “pull out crisp $100 bill here,” and etc. Remember that the majority of your audience at these kinds of Conferences are in The Club, and hence are veritable connoisseurs of “preachin’.” You’ll need to be sure that all your poses are performed flawlessly. This is why the mirror is so essential.

  • Secondly, you’ll need to work on that hair-do. Your couple of squirts of hairspray ain’t gonna cut it. Get yourself a stylist. You’ll also be needing a blow-dryer. Get some professional advice on the style that is best for you. If you are under thirty, the wet look will probably be the most appropriate. If you are over forty, practice your comb-over. Either that, or shave it to the skin every day.

  • Thirdly, you’ll need it to check yourself out on a regular basis. You are going to be in the Big Time, Brother. You’ll need to practice everything… your walk, your handshake, how you hold your Bible (high and tight usually works best), and especially crossing your legs while sitting on the platform. Do not underestimate the importance of appearances. Especially if you’re going to get your Invitation to the National Stage.

...Twelfth, learn to pause at appropriate places in your preaching, so the audience has a chance to “Amen!” you. If the audience is a little slow, learn a few insults that you can use to sorta ‘prime the pump’ a little. Practice getting that incredulous look on your face that says it all for you, so that your audience will know that you really can’t believe that they missed such a golden opportunity. Learn to cup your hand to your ear, lean forward, and kick your opposite foot back. You will need to come down out of the pulpit and “Amen!” yourself at least once every message, so that your audience will know that no matter how much they ”Amen!” it is still inadequate (though you will want to say “Thank you” very emphatically a couple of times during the message, so that your audience will know that you appreciate their feeble efforts).

Thirteenth, practice preaching in a microphone. Note that I did not say “with” a microphone. You will need to get into that microphone. Learn to talk with your mouth right on it. Practice that husky, intimate voice. Work on bombast. Learn to scream into it so loud that you hurt your own ears. Be ambidextrous (screaming and stomping or else screaming and spitting simultaneously).

Fourteenth, do not stand still. If you need to know why, refer back to point #7, 8, and 10. You will need to step on every square foot of carpet on the platform as well as on the altar and the first four pews while you preach. Consider yourself to be like Joshua (Joshua 1:3). You want that mountain, it belongs to you. While you are at it, you will need to learn how to walk on pews while preaching. If your balance is good enough, you will need to learn how to walk on the backs of the pews, too.

...Sixteenth, get a big church. Remember those immortal words of John R. Rice, “It is not a sin for a church to start small. It is a sin for a church to stay small.” I’m sure that he had a chapter and verse on that one. But he doesn’t need one. He, after all, had a big church. Make sure you do not sin so against the Lord. Three to Four hundred will not do. As Dr. Rice reminded us, the church at Jerusalem had thousands. We don’t know about any of the others, like Corinth or Ephesus, but we can assume that they did too. Otherwise, they would have been in sin, and since Paul never rebuked them for being small, they must not have been. Because Paul would have rebuked them if they had been small. Because it is a sin (Rice 13:2) to stay small. So, get big. If you can’t get big (say you are in a town of 300 people), then move to a big church, and make it bigger. Mediocre pastors have no place on the platform of the Sword of the Lord. Period.

(for the whole article, go HERE)